Kicking Batman's Ass

I didn't weigh in again this week.

Wait. Before you shake your head in disappointment, let me explain.

Last Saturday I was in Wilmington with my aunts. I tried to find a meeting out there but honestly there wasn't one. This Saturday I was in Gurnee. I did find a meeting and even had the directions and such, but the road to hell is indeed paved with good intentions, intentions that are lost to laziness and a strong desire to sleep in.

Don and I spent Friday night out in Gurnee and went to the Cheesecake Factory for dinner, not the best choice for a pre weigh in dinner. I shouldn't even go there ever really. They have the most caloric menu items of like any restaurant ever. But it was sooo delicious. I regret nothing...well yes I do. I regret not going to the meeting but I really enjoyed sleeping in and I didn't make the worst possible choices for dinner. I did have a piece of the bread that they evilly put out on the table, but I stopped after one. I also had unsweetened ice tea, grilled chicken on my sandwich instead of crispy, and a tossed salad instead of fries. Of course, I had a big piece of cheesecake, but I didn't eat it all and there was fruit on it...

I do that a lot. I say I regret nothing, or that I'm okay with something, or I've accepted something, but I'm really not or I haven't. (Another gem pointed out to me by one of my aunts) So I know I should just let it go. It's not like I go to the Cheesecake Factory every week, I've only been there twice in my life. I still should have went to the meeting. I mean I can weigh myself at home, and sometimes I do, but I don't think my scale is accurate. It's usually a 5 pound difference from my WW weigh in, but from my own weird conversions I think I'll be happy with this Saturday. I'm trying to cut myself some slack, but anymore than 2 weeks of missed weigh ins could be the beginning of a slippery slope into consistent gaining, so Saturday it's back to my regularly scheduled meetings.

So why was I in Gurnee, you ask? I was there to prove to myself that I had lost weight. I don't care about the numbers because ultimately they mean nothing. I know, I hear you calling bullshit... "Bullshit, Carrie. You totally care about the numbers, really it's all you talk about." Okay, I know all my goals are number orientated. I know I plan things out and I have particular dates in mind but really the numbers don't mean all that much. It's nice to tell people big numbers. I like to have dates to look forward to. I need some sort of deadline to keep me motivated. That being said, 30 pounds means nothing to me. It's just a number. It's not how I feel. It's not how my clothes fit. It's not the change in my fitness abilities.

As many of you know, Six Flags Great America is in Gurnee. I haven't been there in a few years and it's because the last time we went I didn't fit on the Batman Ride. It was awful. We waited in line for a while, but it was okay because Batman is one of my favorite rides. Finally getting on, I sat in the seat and pulled the harness down but, to my horror and increasing panic, I couldn't get the safety belt to latch into the harness. It has to click shut in order for you to ride, so after some struggling I realized it wasn't going to click. The worst part was that once you pull down the harness it locks so you can't get it back out without an attendant unlocking it. So I realize that the safety belt won't latch and that I'm trapped in this harness. Because they go around and try to shove you in before they accept that you can't fit, I was unable to escape with at least a tiny bit of my dignity. My face was red and my heart was racing and the embarrassment was just unbearable. I sat there waiting to get unlocked so I could slink off and wallow in the blatant proof that my weight had gotten out of hand. It wasn't long after that that I joined weight watchers for the first time and lost my 24 pounds (that I gained back last year).

As suggested by a good friend, who has really been an inspiration and a great source of support, (Thanks Rach!) when we went to Great America on Saturday we rode the Batman Ride first. This way I could know right away whether or not I fit.  The line wasn't long at all and we got on right away. I was so nervous I felt like I was gonna throw up. I pulled down the harness and the safety belt latched and I finally started to breathe again. The ride was awesome, as always, and while my thighs are a bit big still, I had no problem connecting any latches or locking any harnesses. I still had Don shove all my harnesses down, just because it was hard to accept the fact that I was just fitting on the rides, but he was a good sport and I appreciated it.

So instead of weighing in Saturday I walked 6+ miles around the park and finally accepted that my body is changing for the better. I know I have no number to give you, but I think it's one hell of a victory.