I'm a Penguin!

Lately, I hate to admit my training hasn't been the first thing on my mind. I have been trying to find ways to banish Negative Carrie. She sucks so much and has been a big part of the reason that I feel like I have wasted the first 10 weeks of my training. So I've been trying to focus on feeling better and instilling a bit more confidence in myself. This weekend was really good for that actually.

I found John "The Penguin" Bingham.

 I bought two of his books and found myself overwhelmed by the idea that I never gave myself any credit. I suck at running and it scares me to death and even though I was working hard and trying my best it never mattered to me. Because I wasn't making the progress I thought I "SHOULD" be making I wasn't enjoying myself. Sure I liked the little victories I was making but I wasn't having any fun, not really. So anyway, I bought The Courage to Start and No Need for Speed. At first I thought, "Well this guy is just catering to people and giving them permission to not try hard enough". After reading, I realized this isn't the case. He is encouraging and direct. In the intro he describes himself, "I didn't really run, or even jog. I waddled. I was a Penguin... Yes, I am round. Yes, I am slow. Yes, I run as though my legs are tied together at the knees. But I am running. And that is all that matters."

I had a mini epiphany. Holy shit. I am a penguin! I waddle!  I'm certainly not fast or graceful, but I am trying and I am running and I never gave myself any credit for it. I was moving my considerable weight around and trying to mold myself into a swimmer/cyclist/runner/triathlete.

The other day I was talking to Chris from work and she was telling me how proud she was of me for just signing up the the triathlon and taking it on as a goal. I shrugged it off. I was like "Yeah be proud of me when I finish". Which is a really terrible attitude to have. I've never proudly told anyone that I was training for a triathlon. I thought because it was "just a sprint tri" it was barely worth talking about until I finished. Not anymore. I spent so much time freaking out about my jiggly middle and my slow pace. I worried about not going fast enough and not training hard enough, basically just not being good enough. Was my training plan exactly on point? Was I following it 100%? Was I working out hard enough? Well  NO MORE.

With 14 weeks left, I may be doing the dumbest thing ever. I'm going to follow my own plan. I'm going to try to enjoy every dip in the pool, every bike ride, every penguin like shuffle while increasing my endurance. I'm going to strive for 35-60 minutes a day, with at least one day off (because trying to workout too hard everyday is just setting myself up for failure) and in the last couple weeks I'll pepper in some brick workouts and practice my transitions. I'll look to the triathlon books for inspiration and take a few spin and boot camp classes. I'll work my weight watchers plan and I'll be happy with any loss each week. And if I gain I won't beat myself up, I'll just fix my mistakes and move on. I vow that from now on I am going to enjoy this experience so that when I finish I can look back at how fun it was and how I have changed my life for the better. Hopefully when I finish, I will be able to tell people that I am a triathlete and I can't wait for my next race.